FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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