i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
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This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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