When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
