Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
