He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
