so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Enjoy the penises
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
