She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
