New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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