u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
