Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
