i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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