By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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