were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
