I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
