She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?