You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
