He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They have beer where we have blood.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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