so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
