i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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