Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
