the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
