Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
