the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
