Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
this is an emotional support booty call
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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