she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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