i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
