omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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