I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She bit a glass in half.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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