I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
