Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize