I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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