It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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