Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
