We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
