you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
