its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
its liver damage thursday
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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