why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
be right there i have to get my cape
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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