It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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