i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
