Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
