New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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