You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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