You smell like stripper and shame
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
