YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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