I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
