I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
