I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We got so high we made milksteak
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
