My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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