Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
