My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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