Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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