no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
