hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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