I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
