I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
