I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
