I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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