Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
