last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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