I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
