he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
