he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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