AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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