Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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