After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
