What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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