Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
