Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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