By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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